He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
