my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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