Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she looked like the before picture.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
