Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
