I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
