I got chris browned last night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
