You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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