she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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