K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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