sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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