So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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