alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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