Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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