Where is the hickey?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
