Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
