I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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