another moral hangover. fuck.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
