I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
