So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
