would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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