The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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