I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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