Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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