I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
