Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My vagina is officially offended.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
