hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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