people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
