people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
