Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
