he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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