my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
