Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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