It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
