you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
