i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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