If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
