She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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