If i could tip my vagina, i would.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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