p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize