if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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