winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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