when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
