I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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