First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
