when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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