So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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