We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
