so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
