The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry my hands just texted you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
