don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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