We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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